Yehudah : From Liar to Leader

Thoughts on Humility and Leadership in Sefer Bereshit

Joseph Kessler-Godin

If Sefer Shemot is about nation building and Sefer Bereshit is about family building, then the last 15 prekaim of Bereshit are a study in leadership and humility. It is those qualities that span the latter half of Bereshit and take the founding families of Avram, Yizḥaq, and Yaakov and transform them from the 12 tribes into the Am Rav (great nation) that will be essential in establishing Am Yisrael in Sefer Shemot.

Our second encounter with Yehudah has him engaged in deception. Yehudah convinces his brothers to downgrade their crime from capital murder to mere kidnapping and enslavement. Presenting the bloodied k’tonet passim (coat of many colors) to their father, the Torah does not indicate who speaks  the line “Haker na hakitonet bincha hee im lo (הכר נא הכתנת בנך הוא [היא] אם לא) - “See, please, whether or not this is your son’s garment.” Regardless of who spoke the line, the ambiguity heightens our sense that all the brothers are responsible for the deception. This lie is a form of g’neivat daat, (deception by theft of knowledge), for while the brothers never say Yosef is dead, they allow their father to come to that conclusion. This is not simply a lie, but a cruel one at that.

Bereshit is clear - while Yehudah is to be a main character, he is a flawed leader who contains within himself elements of deceit and cruelty. We next meet Yehudah in the story of Tamar, his daughter-in-law. There are those who see this story as an interruption in the Yosef and Yehudah stories. But as we will see, this story is not an interruption. Rather, it is the linchpin in a series of stories between Tamar, Yehudah, and Yosef. It is Yehudah who is the ‘hero” of these stories, not Yosef. And this story is an essential part of Yehudah’s psychological and character development that enables him to be the leader that he becomes.

Considering that he is out on the town carousing with Ḥira, the Adulamite, whom I might jokingly characterize as his “drinking buddy,” you know nothing good is going to happen when the two of them are together. While on the road, the two men happen upon a “prostitute” with whom Yehudah wants to have relations. It turns out that it is his daughter-in-law, Tamar, in disguise. As payment, he offers a promise of a kid his from his flock. She insists upon a pledge until the kid is received - אם תתן ערבון עד שלחך —Im teetane Ervon Ad Sholchekha.

Yehudah asks her what pledge she has in mind - “mah haeiravon (מה הערבון)”. She replies, “ḥotam’cha, uftilecha, umat’cha asher b’yadecha”  (אשר בידך חתמך ופתילך ומטך), your seal, your staff, and your cord.” The literary critic and Bible translator Robert Alter equates this to Yehudah handing over his credit card. Alter’s image is readily understandable to a reader, however, it misses the point. While they are symbols of his wealth, they are also symbols of his leadership responsibility - to his family, his tribe, and even to himself. The staff is akin to the shepherd’s crook (everyone from pharaohs to bishops have one),and its symbolism is plain - he who holds it leeds the flock. In some ways, this story is akin to Esav willingness to trade his birthright for a bowl of red lentil soup. Yehudah is ready to potentially surrender his symbols of hereditary leadership for a fleeting, momentary pleasure. In effect, Judah has given up his symbol of leadership to a woman he believed was a prostitute, calling into question his fitness as a leader.

So it is this concept of Arev—(mah haeiravon -  מה הערבון as we mentioned earlier ), the shoresh of which ערב forms the root for everything from Eruvin to a yirushalmi mixed grill—that I find fascinating and will form the basis of our studies into Yehudah’s leadership training.

After the liaison, Yehudah sends his drinking buddy Ḥira to fulfill his pledge, to bring to the “prostitute” the goat, and collect his symbols of leadership. But as we already know, nothing good comes from his association with Ḥira. When Ḥira explains to Yehudah that he was unable to find the k’deisahah (קדשה), Yehudah replies, “let her keep them lest we become a laughing stock.” Yehudah asserts that he tried to fulfill the pledge, but there is an irony in that assertion. Tamar’s deception was the direct result of an earlier pledge that Yehudah made to her that he did not fulfill: the promise of his third son Shelah to Tamar.

Three months go by and Yehudah is told, “your daughter-in law has played the harlot and she is pregnant from harlotry.“ Yehudah replies, let her be taken out and burnt.” Whether he intended a summary execution or would have gone through the motions of a trial before carrying out the sentence (her pregnancy, after all, was all the evidence required of her guilt), it is Tamar who has the upper hand, because she has the only evidence that matters—the smoking gun, as it were. As she is being taken into custody, she sends that evidence to her father-in-law with the message,

“I am pregnant by the one to whom these belong - Haker Na Limi haḥotemet v’hapitilim v’hamateh ha-eleh/ הכר נא למי החתמת והפתילים והמטה האלה”

Look at these and tell me to whom they belong.”

I had always interpreted this as Tamar triumphantly proclaiming the winning hand, but now I understand it as her saying, “You are better than this....” 

Tamar was prepared to be executed, but she was giving Yehudah the opportunity to do the right—the just thing.The rabbis have always cited this as an example of extreme humility. From BT Sotah 10b we learn, “it is better to be burned in a furnace than to publicly shame someone.”

I want to pause here. I think the Rabbis have it largely right. It is praiseworthy to never be put in a position where one publicly shames another. But we now know that too often women have been told or even prohibited from speaking up publicly to protect certain people, often men. This cannot be acceptable to us. I would extend that to all victims, women and men. As Elie Wiesel says, “Silence only favors the oppressor.” Or, as RBG, Z”L said, “Speak your mind - even if your voice shakes.” 

Still, the lesson of Tamar is one of humility. She is willing to risk death in the hope that Yehudah will recognize it is his failure to perpetuate his son Er’s name that forced her to do so through a deception.  This links Tamar with other Jewish women of action who decisively seize the moment from the grasp of mens’ hands, including Yocheved, Devorah, and Yael.

Like a thousand women before her and a million since, she is not saying to a man, 

“You are  WRONG!”

She is not saying, “I am RIGHT!”

Yehudah says that - . “Tzadkah mimeni/צדקה ממני - She is more right than I.”

What she says is “Haker Na” - Do you recognize these? Do you recognize yourself?

You are better than this!”

She is also ironically messaging something else to him. Rabbi David Kimchi, the RADAK, notes that this is an example of Midah k’neged Midah, for the brothers used phrase Haker Na to deceive Yaakov regarding Yosef. I would add that Tamar is wittingly telegraphing him something slightly different. She is admonishing him. “The last time this phrase (Haker Na) was used you deceived your father about your brother, Yosef. Do not deceive again by remaining silent and executing me, lest you become known permanently throughout  Israel as a deceiver.”

Yehudah has a choice before him, to become a deceiver or to become a leader. In an act of humility he declares “Tzadkah mimeni” - She is more right than I.

Sforno has a beautiful comment on Tamar when she first deceived Yehudah at Enaim. He says that even though she disguised herself with the veil, she did not disguise her voice. That is, she hoped Yehudah would recognize her voice and in so doing fulfill his obligation to her without it being a matter of deception. Tamar never gave up on Yehudah doing the right thing. It is this humility that leads both Yehudah and Tamar to be the progenitors of David haMelech.

How do we define humility? Humble is a synonym for humility. I believe it comes from the Latin word humus, which means ground or, more pointedly, “‘dirt.” As humble as dirt. I would define humility as believing that another person is entitled to as much rachmonos as you would seek for yourself. Having waited for many years for Yehudah to acknowledge her and treat her with respect, she is prepared to extend to him as much time as he needs to treat himself with respect.

When Tamar confronted him with humility, this allowed Yehudah the “emotional space” in which to demonstrate his own menschlickeit. To explore this notion of “safe space” more, I invite you to read this NYT piece on Prof. Loretta Ross https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/19/style/loretta-ross-smith-college-cancel-culture.html?searchResultPosition=4. I found it fascinating and insightful.

Yehudah does not disappoint Tamar (or us) and this propels him along the path of leadership that we will bear witness to in later chapters.

I could end here and this would be the drash for Parshat Vayeshev, but stay with

me a bit longer as we explore this notion of  Arvon- Pledge.

Part II

A few chapters later the brothers journey down to Egypt to procure food and save their families from the famine. There, they meet a mysterious, powerful man who is second only to Pharaoh. In a deus ex machina, it turns out that their savior, unbeknownst to them, is none other than their brother, Yosef.  In a bit of biblical humor, the Torah uses a different tense  of the same word haker—Vayaker—to note that Yosef sees them clearly, though they do not see him. It is as if the brothers, having used the word to deceive their father, have lost their ability to see what is directly in front of them. This teaches us that when we think we deceive others, we are really deceiving ourselves. 

Yosef retains Shimon as his prisoner in what will be a test of the tribes’ preparedness for nationhood, a test that parallels Yehudah’s test as a leader. The brothers return home, where they inform Yaakov of all that has happened and all that the man said, with some embellishments.

When they tell Yaakov that “the man” said they must not return to Egypt without their brother Binyamin, Yaakov is adamant. Reuven steps in with his hairbrained scheme to allow his father to kill his two sons if he does not return to Yaakov with Benjamin (insert 42:37). The lack of wisdom of this plan leaves Yaakov speechless. As my friend Dr. Ben Sommers put it, Reuven always gets it slightly wrong. His insights aren’t quite insights. From sleeping with his father’s concubine to this matter, his status as first-born does not gift upon him genuine leadership skills. The Torah does not use the term Arvon in Reuven’s offer because it is not a pledge—it is not  a like substitution. Here I am paraphrasing several m’farshim that Yaakov effectively says, “Woe unto us if Reuven, my first born, becomes the leader of Am Yisrael.”

Some time passes and Yaakov asks the brothers to return to get more provisions. They remind him that the man said not to return ‘‘without Binyamin.“ Yaakov refuses and

now it is Yehudah’s turn to demonstrate his leadership. We hear Yehudah say to his father anochi EHEHRVENU, miyadi tivakshenu/אנכי אערבנו מידי תבקשנו, loosely translated meaning

“I PLEDGE myself as surety for him, you may hold me responsible….”

It is at this moment that Yehudah merits the z’chut of becoming the leader of Am Yisrael. He finally understands what a pledge is. He finally understands responsibility and the potential cost of that responsibility. Yaakov sees the maturation in his son and says “Go.”

Let’s recap.  Going back to Tamar,Yehudah tosses aside the symbols of his tribal responsibilities as a pledge, mere trinkets, like Esav tossing aside his birthright. He then sends a lieutenant to redeem the pledge from Tamar, rather than fulfilling the pledge himself. From there he learns to accept responsibility when Tamar confronts him. Yehudah then deploys that responsibility in fulfilling his obligation to his family and the tribes of Israel.

But he didn’t start off that way. 

He started off as a liar, a cruel deceiver, someone who refused to fulfill his obligations.

Yehudah is now ready for the showdown with his little brother, Yosef. We are glued to our chairs during these tense moments. In some ways, the stories of Yehudah and Tamar and Yehudah and Yosef exist in a chiastic structure. Tamar is powerless, a widow. Yehudah is powerful, the head of his tribe. But with Yosef, it is Yehudah who is powerless and Yosef is literally the most powerful person in the known world.

In what must be one of the longest monologues in the Torah, Yehudah pleads on behalf of his accused brother Binyamin. (Furthering the chiastic structure, it should be noted that Tamar presented authentic evidence in her ‘trial”, but Yehudah is now left to confront false evidence in his defense of Binyamin.)

(For an even deeper understanding of the negation of self that this plea represents, please see Kedushat Levi to VAYIGASH)

Yehudah summons all the humility he can. He refers to himself as Yosef’s servant.

He speaks with kindness in a more “formal” plea. He notes that he pledged himself for the boy - Ki avdecha ARAV et hanaar כי עבדך ערב את הנער)). Yehudah is the son of a different mother than Binyamin, he is the head of a different tribe. Yet he offers himself up as pledge for Binyamin. Yehudah has learned the responsibility of leadership. His cruelty has left him, replaced with rachmonos for his father as he says - “let me not be witness to the woe that would befall my father.”

In a conversation with Rabbi Eliezer Diamond, my friend and teacher, I asked him why truth was such an essential part of humility. He provided a beautiful response, turning the question inward. Reb Diamond said, “if I am honest with myself, I am not the best person, but I am also not the worst person. This leads me to ask exactly Who am I? When I am honest with myself, I see more clearly who I am and this leads a person to greater humility.” I found that to be a beautiful piece of mussar. I would add to this that when we are honest with ourselves it leads us to understanding the value of treating others with the same honesty we seek for ourselves.

This is the test that the brothers must pass if they are to become am echad - one nation. And this is the test that Yehudah must pass if he is to become the leader of all the tribes. This lesson of honesty and humility are essential to the formation of the nation of Am Yisrael as we will witness its growth in Shemot.

If Am Yisrael were to go out to war, it would not work if tribesmen said they would only redeem members of their own tribe. Chaos would ensue and we would never get past the infant leanings of our fledgling nation.

If you will permit me one more seeming citation of Arav, in the concluding perek of Sefer Bereshit, Yosef tells his brothers that he is not upset with them for it was God who planned this -  l’haḥayot am rav/להחיות עם רב, for the survival of a multidinous people. 

But we, Am Yisrael, are only a few million. The Chinese are an am rav with over a billion citizens. The Indians have over a billion citizens. The USA has 330 million citizens. But we the Jewish people are  a small nation.

Al tikreh am rav, Do Not read - “a great Nation”, eleh AM ARAV - a people pledged one to the other. Kol Yisrael Areivim zeh b’zeh. 

Please stay safe during Coronavirus and please continue to learn Torah. It is what has kept the Jewish people strong throughout millenia. 

With humility, I would like to thank Rabbi Shammai Engelmayer and Dr. Ben Sommers who were gracious with their time and insights in the crafting of this devar.

Shabbat Shalom and Chag Orim Sameach,

Yosef Kessler -Godin